How to Manage Anger During the Divorce Process

The end of a marriage is a turbulent and emotional time often filled with anger. These feelings can lead to rash decisions that you may regret and other negative consequences. It is possible to learn to manage your anger at your ex-spouse, the situation, yourself, and any other aspects of the divorce.

Recognize Your Triggers

The anger that you experience during the divorce proceedings may be linked to certain feelings, expectations, or unaddressed issues. Typically, the same root cause or causes lead to every instance of losing your temper. By learning what triggers these feelings, you can learn to manage your response. Knowing your triggers can also help you to avoid them, when applicable.

Limit Your Reactions

Much of anger comes from reaction rather than rational thought. Therefore, to manage your anger during divorce proceedings, you have to learn to respond rationally, rather than react. One of the most common suggestions for learning to control your reactions is to count to 10 or 20 before speaking or acting.

Another way to learn to not react is by using the acronym ANGER to take control of the situation.

• Acknowledge your feelings
• Normalize anger as a natural response
• Think about your Goals based on the circumstances
• Assess your Expectations for how realistic they are
• Respond in a more positive and grounded manner

Taking time to breathe or think about the situation allows you time to get past the initial emotional response and let your more rational thinking take control.

Prepare Yourself

There is a very high chance that you will have feelings of anger and frustration during your divorce, as it is a natural and common response. Therefore, you should take time outside of court and other associated proceedings, and consider mediation with a professional who has backgrounds in both law and psychology, to prepare yourself to help manage your emotional response. One of the best ways to do this is to incorporate relaxation and mindfulness activities, such as yoga and meditation, into your daily life. Breathing techniques have also been found to help mitigate anger and other negative emotions, and can be used when you feel the first sign of rage.

Exercise also can help you learn to control your emotions by working as an outlet for stress. Communicating your feelings and addressing the underlying issues also provide you with ways to get past the anger and heal. These processes do not always need to involve a professional therapist, but one can be beneficial in many situations.

Managing your anger during your divorce leads to a more pleasant proceeding and ensures you do not make any decisions you will live to regret. It takes time to learn to control your emotional response, but it is possible to do so.