How to Prepare for Same Sex Divorce
How to Prepare for Same Sex Divorce
Now that same sex married couples are granted the same rights and obligations as heterosexual married couples, this includes the ability to divorce. And inevitably, as same sex marriages are increasing, so are same sex divorces.
What can be done to prepare yourself if divorce seems to be a likely outcome?
Become informed about your financial situation. Gather financial documents, such as bank, investment and retirement accounts statements, real estate documents, debt information including loan applications and credit card statements, and tax documentation including the last three years of tax returns and W-2s.
Don’t make impulsive or emotionally-based decisions. Anger, sadness, frustration, and a range of other emotions are normal and common, particularly in the beginning stages of divorce. Don’t make any hasty decisions about how you will proceed. Divorce is sad, but it doesn’t have to be financially and emotionally devastating if you take the time to talk with a trusted friend or mental health professional who can be impartial before making any decisions.
Understand your finances. Put together a list of monthly expenses, based on your projected living situation for the next year or so. Make sure to include non-discretionary expenses such as mortgage, utilities, car costs, groceries, and insurance, as well as reasonable discretionary (personal) expenses such as entertainment, restaurants, donations, etc. Become aware of overall household finances, and develop a good understanding your short-term and long-term financial needs. It is important that you have full access to financial information, so if you have not been the one responsible for finances in the marriage, become fully informed. Understanding what both you and your spouse earn is also very important when divorcing. You need to know all sources of income, including salary, bonuses, cash ‘under the table,’ exercised stock options, what is being deferred into retirement accounts, etc.
Put your children’s best interests first and foremost. Stay focused on your children. Acknowledge their feelings. Let your children know that there are no “wrong” or “bad” feelings; encourage them to be honest and let them know whatever they say is ok. Listen and reassure your children that you and your spouse will always love them. Help your children understand that they had nothing to do with the divorce. Provide your children with routine, stability and structure. Consider professional therapy for your children if they seem to be struggling to adjust.
Take care of yourself. Going through a divorce is a very stressful life event, even in the most amicable situation. Divorce impacts every aspect of one’s life: emotionally, financially, socially, to name a few, and this can be overwhelming. Make sure to take care of yourself during this time. Listen to your mind and body. Find time in the day to relax, nurture yourself, read, exercise, eat well, and sleep enough. Establish a good support system and surround yourself with positive people. Consider obtaining professional divorce help through attending support groups and seeking individual therapy.
Gather information about the differences in using adversarial lawyers versus impartial mediators. Take the time to consult with an experienced lawyer and an experienced mediator, comparing and contrasting how they operate and how much they cost. Ask questions to ensure that the mediator has backgrounds in both law and psychology.
