Coparenting Do’s and Don’ts for All Parents

Parenting is tough enough, but Coparenting can get especially rough. Most parents agree that they want to do what is best for their children, but most parents do not always agree on what that is. Despite differences, parents need to co-parent cooperatively regardless of their circumstances, whether married, living together, separated, or divorced. Though parents are typically referred to as co-parents when they are not cohabitating partners, the term aptly applies to anyone who shares parenting responsibility with another parent. Sometimes Coparenting is also known as shared parenting or joint parenting, and there are some dos and don’ts to keep in mind, especially for estranged parents.

The DO’s

DO focus on the children: It is critical that you and your co-parent consider the best interests of your children at all times. Remember that you both love your children, and your children need both parents. With a child-centered focus, you can remember that your no-good ex is also the mother or father that your child needs to love even if you don’t.

DO work on consistency: Children thrive when co-parents are consistent with rules and expectations. If co-parents are focused on the best interests of their children, they should be able to agree on some best practices and core parenting guidelines.

DO maintain communication: To be effective in Coparenting, you need to maintain open communication channels, whether you are talking face-to-face or by phone, text, or email. Use effective communication techniques, especially listening, to share information about your children and resolve parenting issues promptly.

The DON’Ts

DON’T fight in front of the kids: Fighting in front of the children is not in their best interest. It hurts them. Don’t do it. Take your conflict resolution somewhere private.

DON’T get sidetracked: When you are having a parenting issue with your co-parent, don’t get sidetracked on other issues, especially if they involve your personal relationship. Stay focused on specific issues, one issue at a time.

DON’T be that all-play parent: As a co-parent, you have equal responsibility to provide a home environment that balances work with play. Don’t be that fun-only parent who has no rules and lets the children eat candy for dinner and stay up late on a school night. A responsible co-parent is a grown-up, not a play-date.

There are other dos and don’ts for effective Coparenting, but they all can be derived from your focus on your children’s best interests. It’s not easy to be a good co-parent in any circumstances, but a look in your children’s eyes should remind you that it’s worth the effort.