Top 3 Ways to Remain Optimistic Through the Divorce Process

Even if it feels like your whole world is crashing, there is life during and after divorce. But whether you will suffer this pessimistic feeling depends on the initial decisions you make how to go your divorce. Here are the top three decisions you can make to remain optimistic during the divorce process.

1. Mediate, Don’t Litigate

A mediated divorce is an excellent alternative to a traditional litigated divorce. The focus and goal of mediation are mutual cooperation and negotiation between you and your spouse on all issues that must be resolved.

In mediation you and your spouse have a neutral, professional mediator who guides you through the divorce process, gives you sound legal, financial, and parenting guidance, and helps you resolve your differences. In addition, a mediated divorce costs considerably less than a litigated divorce and takes a considerably shorter time to finalize. Many mediated divorces are completed in 90 days or less.

2. Focus on Your Kids

Divorce may well be the single greatest childhood trauma your kids ever experience. One of the best things about a mediated divorce is that the mediator understands, even if you and your spouse don’t, that divorce is not the end of the family. The two of you will have to deal with each other at least until your youngest child is fully grown.

The mediator ensures that each of you has full opportunity to express your respective views, concerns, and desires about how your Coparenting arrangement will be structured. Then the mediator helps you negotiate its terms, staying focused on the best interests of the children and the parenting skills that each parent has and/or is willing to learn.

3. Stay Stable

Even though your domestic life is drastically changing, other parts of your life aren’t. The good friends who always have been there for you still are. Rely on them and accept their concern and empathy.

If you and your kids will be “keeping” the house, this is no time for major redecorating. During the divorce process, the more your home looks like it always has, the more comfortable and secure everyone will feel. If you have to move, find a place as close as possible to your present home so your kids don’t have to change schools.

If you’re employed, keep your job. Just as school is where your kids spend a large part of their lives, your job is where you spend a large part of yours. Too many changes all at once not only destabilizes everyone, but also produces feelings of uncertainty, insecurity, and stress.

Remember, remaining optimistic through the divorce process is the best thing you can do for yourself and your kids.