How to Manage Anger During Divorce Mediation

Even in the best and most amicable of divorces, most people will experience some degree of anger. Anger is a natural part of the grieving process and, if your divorce is less-than-amicable, as many are, your anger can become consuming. Not only is it hard to be filled with anger, but feelings of anger during divorce tend to make things more contentious and could impact the quality of your decision-making. The problem is, controlling your anger is easier said than done.

No matter how you and your spouse have come to the decision to divorce – and even if you are thrilled to end the marriage – you are forced to face the reality that your hopes for the future, and your life as you know it, are changing. That change, along with feeling a loss of control over many things in your life, naturally brings up feelings of grief. Most people that experience grief will move through a phase of anger at some point. And, if there are other circumstances such as lying, cheating, addiction, abuse, or other factors, your anger may be substantial. Unfortunately, there is no way to avoid anger and yet your anger cannot help you regain control, or force people to make decisions they don’t want to make. Suppressing your anger can only last so long so it is essential that you learn to manage your anger and move through it in a healthy and productive way.

How to Manage Anger During Divorce:

• Recognize Your Emotions and Your Need for Control 
  • Feeling angry and unhappy is normal during divorce. That anger may be directed towards many people and things such as anger towards yourself, your spouse, your life, and factors outside of your control. Our anger allows us to assign blame, even if in the wrong direction so that we can have a feeling of control. It allows us to shift our unhappiness and grief onto someone or something else so that we do not have to feel it ourselves.
• Practice Mindfulness
  • Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment. Often, during divorce, remaining present is the last thing you want to do because it allows you to escape your feelings, even if in an unhealthy way. By cultivating an awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations, you can begin to notice when you feel angry and observe those feelings without judgment. This will allow you to take some deep breaths, come back into your body, and experience your anger without projecting it outward.
• Seek Professional Help from a Divorce Mediator
  • Divorce is contentious and court-based divorce often fuels anger with very little focus on communicating feelings or managing anger in a healthy way. Working with a mediator facilitates more effective communication during divorce. Your mediator will listen and provide professional counseling and strategies for managing anger while still assisting you in completing your divorce.