Different Ways to Approach Your Divorce
If you are thinking of getting a divorce, taking the first step can be daunting. Worse yet, maybe you don’t even know what the first step is. There are many approaches to ending to your marriage, and it’s important to find the right one for your situation to ensure the best outcome.
Get Informed
No matter what path you choose, you first need to get informed. Do some research to find out the laws in your state. Read forums or join a support group to get relevant advice from others in similar circumstances. Check out your state’s bar association website for lawyer referrals or free legal aid. Once you feel like you have a more complete picture of what your divorce will entail, you can make a more suitable choice about how to start.
Do It Yourself
The first option is to file your own papers. It’s much cheaper to do this than to hire a lawyer and is best for very simple cases, especially when children are not involved. However, making a mistake can cause fees, delays, and at worst, a rejection of the marital dissolution.
Take It to Court
If you have an extreme or complicated case, you may be forced to handle it in court with legal representation to ensure your voice is heard and all your rights are protected. Unfortunately, this divorce route is long, messy, and expensive, so only choose it if there is no other option that will work for your situation.
Use a Collaborative Lawyer
Another option, if you both are cooperative, is to reach a settlement through lawyers out of court. This is called collaboration. The upside is that you still have someone advocating for your rights but in a less aggressive manner because your lawyer is not trying to convince a judge but rather negotiate with your spouse through his or her attorney. You don’t have to appear in court, either, so the divorce can be quicker. The downside is that since settlement is the ultimate goal, it can create tunnel vision. Collaborative lawyers lose their work if either of you decide to withdraw or you can’t reach an agreement, so they may do whatever it takes to get there—and that isn’t always a good thing for their clients.
Go Through Mediation
Mediation is another out-of-court solution, but involves a mediator instead of a lawyer. Mediators are neutral parties with a legal background (a good one will also be trained in psychology) that help you and your spouse communicate effectively to come to a settlement. They don’t make choices for you or take sides. They are there to make the process of cooperative divorce easier and faster by providing information and facilitating respect.
If you both are willing, mediation is worth trying because it offers the best outcome. You are in control of the proceedings, which also means you have more control of your time, money, and emotions. You determine the settlement, which means you will be satisfied with it and able to abide by it. The civility of this method fosters positive feelings so you aren’t as overwhelmed by extreme emotions. If your mediator also has psychological training, you are likely to heal even faster since he or she can help you understand and manage your feelings. Furthermore, any children involved will also benefit because their parents won’t be fighting in and out of court.
Take the First Step
Once you’ve weighed all your divorce options and decided on your approach, have the courage to take the first step. You can’t control every detail, but you can control what you do. If you properly prepare and take appropriate action, you’ll increase your chances of having the best outcome possible.
