Divorce Involving Children with Disabilities
Divorce affects all family members, but it can be particularly difficult for children with disabilities. The “best interest” of the child is the determining factor in parenting arrangements, but the phrase “best interest of the child” can be complex when it involves a child with disabilities. Sometimes, divorcing parents disagree regarding the best interests of their child when a disability is involved. For example, they may not agree regarding the existence of the disability itself, or perhaps disagree on how to approach treatment, support and services for the child. For this reason, during the divorce process, it can be helpful to involve neutral professionals who can provide options and alternatives in this regard.
An experienced mediator with backgrounds in law, child development and psychology, will be able to guide the divorcing parties through these challenging conversations, to reach a resolution that works for both parties and most importantly, is in the child’s best interest. The mediator can provide options and alternatives for resolving these issues while paying special attention to the needs of the particular child. It may also be helpful to involve professionals who specialize in working with children who have the particular disability, to help the parents create a parenting plan that fits the child’s particular needs. This is particularly important when there are special medical and educational considerations and decisions to be made on the child’s behalf.
When creating a parenting plan, particular attention should be given to the “timesharing” schedule; that is, the time that the child will spend with each parent. As with any parenting plan, the timesharing schedule should be formulated to meet the child’s needs, but this is particularly important when a child has disabilities and/or special needs. Some children with special needs will benefit from fewer transitions between parents; others will benefit from seeing both parents regularly. For example, some children may become anxious and frustrated if they are away from a parent for more than a couple of days. On the other hand, some children, such as those with autism, usually benefit from less transition and change, and thus a “week on, week off” schedule may be more appropriate. These children can experience stress from disruptions to their routine, which can affect behavior, school performance and emotional well-being.
No matter the specifics of the timesharing schedule itself, it is crucial that the parents understand the important of maintaining consistency in the schedule. All children, particularly those with disabilities, benefit from consistency and reliability. Additionally, the parents must understand the importance of good communication with one another, so as to decrease hostility, reduce misunderstandings, and maintain a healthy Coparenting relationship. Divorcing parents should work with their mediator to determine the most efficient way to communicate with one another after the divorce is finalized. The communication will need to be ongoing as the child matures and his or her needs change. Parents will have to work together to make decisions for their child regarding post high school education, employment and independent living, for example.
An additional issue to consider is the age to which child support will continue. In most cases, child support legally ends when a child reaches 18 (unless the child is still in high school, in which case it continues until the child turns 19 or graduates high school, whichever occurs first). However, in cases involving children with disabilities, child support can be ordered past the age of majority if the child will be unable to support him/herself upon reaching the age of majority.
During the divorce process, children with disabilities will likely need extra support and services to decrease the impact of the transitions and changes. Depending on the child’s age, resiliency to change, emotional maturity and the nature of the disability, some children will struggle more than others during the process. Parents must be cognizant of the impact of the divorce on their particular child and respond accordingly to reduce the stress for their child during this process.
Tamara Hirsch, JD, LCSW
