How Mental Health Professionals can Help Clients Deal with Divorce

Divorce can be emotionally draining and contentious but even in the most amicable of circumstances it can also be emotionally turbulent and very costly. While most people know that a wedding can be incredibly expensive, many don’t realize that a divorce can be just as, if not more, expensive.

Divorce is inherently difficult, but when the added stressors of dividing property and debts, developing Coparenting plan for any minor children, and resolving any spousal and child support issue are included, the whole process can quickly become overwhelming, leaving your client with a great deal of fear for his or her personal as well as financial futures. Indeed, NBC News recently reported just how much a divorce can cost in the U.S. today, “Divorce proceedings can range anywhere from several hundred to several thousand dollars. Estimates are that on the average cost of divorce in the U.S. range from $15,000 to $30,000. Where does all that money go? The bulk of it, predictably enough, goes straight to the lawyers. Matrimonial law work is currently a staggering $28 billion a year industry. Court fees can also add a hefty sum to your divorce bill; a mere two-day trial can set you back as much as $25,000 (less expensive options, like formal arbitration, still run between $5,000 and $10,000). But if you’re looking to reduce those costs or to avoid them altogether, you’ve got a few alternatives.”

Here are four important ways you can help your client to more effectively and less expensively deal with divorce:

• Encourage your client to communicate with his or her spouse.
  • Many divorces are made more contentious and stressful when lawyers are involved. The more your client communicates through a lawyer, the more expensive the divorce will be. Even if your client is very angry with his or her spouse, if at all possible, encourage communication.  Open communication between divorcing couples will speed things up and shorten the process, saving a lot of money.
• Suggest that your client gather and organize his or her financial records.
  • The more that your client’s finances are in order, the easier things will be. If your client gets all of their financial records together in advance, and keeps track of his or her expenses, there will be less confusion over who spent what and when, and it will be less costly to figure out a financial settlement. Additionally, your client will feel more informed as financial decisions are made throughout the process.
• Talk to your client about the grief process endemic to divorce.
  • Because your client’s emotions are very likely to run high while going through divorce, it is crucialthat he or she be aware of the stages of grief common to losing a significant relationship by divorce as well as death. Reassure your client that it is normal to one day feel angry, the next day sad, and yet the next day numb from the denial that the divorce is really happening.
• Encourage your client to consult with a professional divorce mediator as an alternative to the emotionally and financially draining process of litigation.
  • A professional mediator, especially those with backgrounds in both law and psychology, will help your client communicate and negotiate effectively with his or her spouse, offer divorcing couples different options and alternative for resolving issues, and provide legal, financial, tax, Coparenting and other information, all towards the central goal of your client and his or her spouse making fully informed decisions, quickly, inexpensively, and with as little hostility and stress as possible.

  Oliver Ross, JD, PhD & Tamara Hirsch, JD, LCSW