How to Achieve a “Healthy Divorce”
A hostile, stressful divorce leads to increased financial and emotional costs for both parties, as well as a negative impact on any children involved. These types of divorces tend to last for many months, even years, and ultimately result in exorbitant attorney fees and increased hostility between the parties involved. Additionally, though both parties hope to “win,” the reality is that neither party has control over the final outcome, as the judge will make the final determination regarding parenting, assets, debts and spousal maintenance. Though divorce is never an easy or stress-free process, taking steps to reduce the stress and hostility as much as possible reduces the financial and emotional pain felt by both parties, as well as by the children.
Reducing stress in divorce is not only beneficial financially and emotionally to those involved, but also physically. It is widely accepted that stress can lead to chronic health issues, and thus it follows that reduction of stress results in improved overall physical health and less chronic health problems. The Mayo Clinic reports that “Long-term exposure to stress can lead to serious health problems. Chronic stress disrupts nearly every system in your body. It can raise blood pressure, suppress the immune system, increase the risk of heart attack and stroke, contribute to infertility, and speed up the aging process. Long-term stress can even rewire the brain, leaving you more vulnerable to anxiety and depression.”
U.S. News and World Report recently published an article titled “10 Ways to Stay Healthy During a Divorce.” (http://www.msn.com/en-us/health/wellness/10-ways-to-stay-healthy-during-a-divorce/ar-AAa2dhk#page=1), which discusses ways in which divorce can negatively impact parties physically. This article compares the divorce process to the grief process we deal with after the death of a loved one, and for this reason emphasizes the importance of taking care of oneself emotionally and physically throughout the divorce process. For example, the author suggests exercising regularly and eating well, implementing a routine, taking preventative health measures, and finding a supportive network of peers. In taking these steps, a divorcing party will reduce the stressful impact of the divorce process on his or her physical health.
In addition to the suggestions above, working with an experienced mediator instead of fighting it out with two separate attorneys is highly likely to greatly reduce the emotional, financial and physical stress of a divorce. A professional mediator with backgrounds in both law and psychology can help couples to navigate the divorce process, while ensuring that they have all of the information they need to make fully informed decisions about parenting and finances.
An experienced divorce mediator helps the parties to communicate and negotiate collaboratively, thus allowing parties to resolve disagreements in the short term instead of the many months, if not years, involved in litigation. In mediating their matter, parties reduce the hostility often associated with divorce, and focus on what matters most; i.e. parenting, and decisions regarding division of assets, allocation of debts, and spousal maintenance. Furthermore, the parties retain control of the process, knowing that they will make the decisions in their matter and not have to worry about what the judge may or may not order. Since the adversity, uncertainty, emotional stress and financial strain are reduced, the negative impact on children is also reduced.
Tamara Hirsch, JD, LCSW