How to Cope With Divorce
Going through a divorce is undoubtedly one of the most stressful life events a person can face. Even the most amicable divorce impacts every aspect of one’s life: emotionally, financially, socially, to name a few, and this can be overwhelming. Below are three ways to help lessen the stress involved in divorce.
1. Take care of yourself emotionally. It is widely known that divorce involves a grieving process that mirrors the grieving process we experience when a loved one dies. A divorce represents not only the loss of the married relationship, but also of shared dreams and commitments. The grief stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, and the stages are experienced differently by each person. When dealing with divorce, a range of intense emotions can accompany each of these stages, including anger, frustration, sadness and chronic stress. Make sure to take care of yourself during this difficult time. Listen to your mind and body. Find time in the day to relax, nurture yourself, read, exercise, eat well, and sleep enough. Establish a good support system and surround yourself with positive people. Consider obtaining professional divorce help through attending support groups and seeking individual therapy.
2. Inform and protect yourself financially. Understand your finances when getting divorced. Each partner in a marriage should be aware of overall household finances and have access to financial information. If you have not been the one responsible for finances in the marriage, become fully informed. Learn what assets and debts exist in your marriage and obtain the related financial documentation and records. Start paying attention to all bank accounts, including checking and savings accounts, as well as credit card statements. Take a room by room inventory of household goods and personal property to avoid possible disagreements later on. Start figuring out your short-term and long-term financial needs.
3. Put your children’s best interests first and foremost. When children are involved, coping with divorce is more difficult. Divorcing parents often feel overwhelmed by the number of decisions that must be made to ensure their child’s healthy adjustment during this difficult time. Anger, stress and frustration can take over, and children of divorce can be exposed to an uncooperative, acrimonious parenting style. Be thoughtful when deciding how to tell children about divorce and when talking to your children about divorce. Stay focused on your children, value the other as your children’s parent, and work to use effective communication and negotiation skills, all of which lessen the impact of divorce on children. Do not expose your children to negative comments about your spouse. Communicate directly with your spouse so that your child does not become a “messenger.” Remind your children how much they are loved, and remind them that the divorce is not their fault. Though life feels disrupted during a divorce, and you may feel uncertain about the future, try to provide your children with routine, stability and structure. Consider professional therapy for your children if they seem to be struggling to adjust.