How to Create a Parenting Plan When Divorcing
- Getting a divorce is not easy for anyone and can be very emotionally draining. One thing that makes divorce even more difficult is when there are children involved. For children, watching their parents get a divorce can be confusing, scary, and upsetting. Each family situation is different prior to a divorce but often, divorce creates a sense of chaos for a child in a once stable family. They may blame themselves and wonder why mommy and daddy are changing their lives. For parents, it is important to communicate that their divorce has nothing to do with the children and that they love their children just as much as they always have. Parenting children during divorce and afterwards is challenging but there are ways parents can make things easier for everyone involved. To create a sense of stability for everyone involved, reduce fighting and provide the best care for children, parents should create a parenting plan that both parties can stick to. With a parenting plan, everything will be laid out and agreed upon so that there is no confusion going forward. This will reduce disagreements and make everyone’s lives a little easier. While a custody agreement will detail the specifics of who will have the children and when, the parenting agreement is to ensure that everyone is on the same page and keeping the best interests of the children in mind. Below are some tips for creating parenting plans that will set everyone up for success in parenting during and after a divorce.
- nformation Sharing
- Make an agreement to share all information regarding you children’s health and welfare. It is important that both parties are fully informed about things like educational performances and happenings related to your children’s education. Also, both parents should be informed about any health related matters such as illness, doctors’ appointments, dental appointments, mental health and more.
- Child-Related Events
- Parents need to decide who will attend child-related events. If things are amicable and both parties are cooperative, it can be agreed upon that both parents attend child-related events such as school plays or sporting events. If both parties do not agree to this, an alternative would be to create a schedule of who gets to attend events and when. Perhaps you will alternate or one parent will attend specific things. The agreement will vary between each divorce due to individual parent schedule’s and attendance abilities as well as the relationship between the parents.
- Vacation
- Vacations, birthdays and holidays should be predetermined to avoid any battles over who gets to spend certain holidays with the children and when. Some parents choose to alternate holidays each year and some choose to always spend a specific holiday with their children.
- Healthcare
- Making decisions regarding a child’s healthcare is one of the most important parts of a parenting plan. If emergency medical care is needed, or a significant medical decision arises, it will be very important to have a plan in place for how you will make medical decisions. Things to consider: emergency medical care, decisions regarding medical treatment, scheduling and attending regular doctor and dentist appointments, care for an ill child, care for a disabled child and medical insurance arrangements.
- Religion
- If parents are not members of the same religion, discussions over what religion will influence your child’s upbringing will be necessary. There are many ways to agree upon religious upbringing and each decision is personal. Some parents choose to raise children with exposure to both religions and some choose to raise children in one specific religion. A discussion and agreement in advance will help reduce fighting among parents and confusion for children.
- Education
- Determining what type of education and specifically, what school your children will attend is an important decision for any parent. When Coparenting after a divorce, the decision may be a little more difficult. Determine what is best for your child and what can be financially agreed upon to help make the decision a little easier.
- Travel
- Legal decision making (formerly “custody”) will play an important role in who can travel with children and when, and how you will notify each other of travel to avoid arguments.
- Childcare
- Who watches your child when you are unable to is a deeply personal choice and if you are Coparenting after a divorce, the idea of someone you never meet watching your child may be frightening. Discuss in advance who you will allow to watch your child when they are in the care of their other parent. If they are in the care of their other parent and that parent needs to leave for work or another reason, is it ok for the neighbor to watch your child? These things should be discussed in advance to make day to day life easier and as smooth for your children as possible.