Navigating Divorce with an Addict
Divorce is challenging in the most optimal of circumstances but when one spouse is struggling with addiction, the process can be substantially more challenging. Addictions of any kind, whether to substances such as alcohol and drugs or behaviors such as gambling, have a profound effect on not only the addict but their family and friends as well. Addiction impacts family dynamics and, whether or not addiction is a driving force in the divorce, it has likely played a role and will be a factor in the divorce process. Divorce mediation is an excellent option when you are going through a divorce with an addict because there will be both legal assistance and experienced counseling with an understanding of how addiction impacts family dynamics.
Addiction is often a family illness, passed down from generation to generation. It is a way for individuals to manage and disconnect from their feelings. Because addiction often runs in families and problematic behaviors are a “normal” part of family dynamics, addicts are often in denial of their own behaviors. The problem is, if an addict denies that there is a problem, they cannot take the critical steps to address their addiction. This is where an experienced mediator can make a big difference. A mediator can provide useful information based on knowledge and research about addiction that allows an addict to better understand their behaviors and can shed light on family dynamics that may contribute to the continuation of addiction. In doing so, both spouses are able to communicate more effectively and make informed decisions about what they want to achieve in the divorce process.
Addicts often have distorted thinking and that, coupled with destructive behavior may lead to judgemental thinking and an unproductive divorce process. Fortunately, a mediator is a neutral third party that is there to expertly recognize these behaviors and thought patterns and address them in a non-judgemental, supportive way. Addiction is related to deep wounds in a person’s life and the goal is not to analyze a spouse’s behavior like in therapy. But, rather, mediators are prepared to ask questions, raise awareness, and help everyone make decisions that are in their best interests (and if children are involved, in their best interests as well).
Navigating divorce with an addict is complicated, emotionally charged, and uniquely challenging which is why it is essential to work with a mediator. It is not the time to try to change the addict through judgment or punishment but, rather, through non-judgemental support and awareness of addiction, communicate effectively and make fully informed decisions. If you are considering divorce and you believe your spouse is an addict, consult an experienced divorce mediator who can assist you in determining the next best steps for everyone involved.