Three Tips for Co-habitation During Divorce
Though divorce often means that partners split up and move out of a shared home, various circumstances may delay the move. Economics are often a factor in the need for co-habitation during divorce. It is fairly common now for divorcing couples to have underwater mortgages or be unable to sell a house quickly. It may take time to liquidate other shared assets that delay a move, or sometimes people just cannot afford to live separately until they get back on their feet. Sometimes children are a factor, and parents decide to continue to live together in platonic relationships in order to maintain a stable environment for their children. Here are some tips that can help make co-habitation work for former partners regardless of the situation:
1. Share the costs and the work: Cohabitating former partners need to share the costs and the work of living together equitably. Sit down and make a plan for paying household expenses and doing household chores and maintenance. Be comprehensive—from mortgage payments to toilet cleaning—and consider your respective incomes. Consider how you will handle meals and the food in the refrigerator. You may need to formalize your plan as part of your divorce settlement or other contractual agreement. Stick to your plan once you make it.
2. Establish boundaries: Have candid conversations about boundaries and personal space. Your relationship has changed, and you need to establish boundaries that did not exist before. You will likely need more privacy and freedom to do new things, for example. Consider how the space in your home will be used and agree on what areas will be private and on how public spaces will be shared. Respect the boundaries you establish in your new platonic relationship, and don’t confuse things by slipping into old habits or beds.
3. Be empathetic and respectful: Co-habitation with a former spouse can be challenging and sometimes painful. Be empathetic and respectful to your new roommate and former lover. Though you are moving on, you need to maintain a friendship in order to continue to live together successfully. You may start dating again, but it is generally best to be discrete and not bring new lovers home. Avoid unnecessary conflicts, and communicate effectively, with careful listening, to resolve any issues that arise.
Co-habitation during divorce is challenging, but it can work with careful planning and attention to the details. If it’s done right, you may be able to share the benefits of living together for some time after your divorce.